After various set-backs in getting stuff done this morning, I decided to head off to Golden Gate Park for a relaxed afternoon. There's no denying that San Francisco is one hell of a beautiful place. The buildings all seem to have special attention to detail with ornate doorways, window frames and other accents. The hilly streets make a dipper ride to one side of Market while they flatten out somewhat to the other. Everywhere I turn there are things I want to explore... However downtown shopping is not one of them - it being 'Black Friday' (the day after Thanksgiving, where most everything goes on sale and people have actually been trampled as others rush to grab something that just yesterday they would have paid more for) this experience is even more stressful. So after some false starts in the Union Square area I instead head to Golden Gate Park.
San Fran, by the way, is massive. It stretches long and fills in the land toward the water like a child's colouring book where they don't want to miss anything out. The bus system is pretty easy to navigate though, and once I got to the park a guy on the 71 said he was going the same way so we walked together. He told me about tunnel nearby where all the stars in the 70s used to go before they were famous to smoke pot, so we walked through there and then around a path to 'Hippy Hill'. This guy was from Pittsburgh and as we kept talking and he told me about the conservatory and some other spots to see. We sat down for a bit and, surrounded by the smell of pot, I wasn't too surprised when he asked 2 older longish-haired guys nearby (who I had earlier overheard waxing lyrical about the 'golden age' and what seemed to be a sound belief in the factuality of aliens having come down to earth and showed or left us a whole tonne of stuff) for something. Now although I used to smoke quite a bit when younger, in recent years I've found that a little puff generally makes me a tad paranoid when around other people, so although I have absolutely no problems or feel weird about other people smoking it, I don't usually partake any more. 'But you're only in San Francisco once' I thought, and these people had not alerted any weird or dangerous radar at all (funnily enough I had earlier been browsing through a book about birth dates and your personality - apparently those born on Sept. 20 have a tendency to believe their own powers far more than they should and have to learn from their mistakes etc. There was good stuff too but I don't remember it now. Anyway, back to that later). So I had a puff, and whoah, I forgot that pipes were a bit stronger than a joint. I was all happy and calm and everything seemed a bit funny, the sun was out, these people were friendly.... then I decided at some point to have another little puff. I knew this was probably not a great idea before I even put it towards my mouth, but well, I had an interesting time.
So, if you are wondering why there aren't more photos of this glorious park (and it deserved a lot, it is outstanding, full of so many different areas and buildings and smaller gardens within it), it's because I was wandering around switching between mild to medium paranoia, self-analyzing, observation, and feeling like I had backed away from myself and had become a clear film or lens through which I could observe, or view (not only in terms of with the eyes but with the mind, perspective) life in front of me being played out. That is to say, like when you look at a see-through drawing of a cube you can make it go away from you or come out towards you, I felt like I could experience life through many different perspectives just by shifting my mind a little.
To cut a long story short, after getting very confused about where I was on the map I had; thinking children, families and others were sending me secret messages in things they said to one another; that nature was trying to communicate with me and that I had gone so far away from myself I wasn't sure how to put the myriad things that make up me back together again, I found my way out of the park and headed on a bus back to the hostel. On the way I managed to see the outside of the observatory, a really cool pond covered in algae (I think) to the point that the ducks looked like they were glued on to green cement until one of them moved and you would see a trail of silver as the sky reflected in the water wake, Music Concourse, the outside of De Young Museum and the Japanese Gardens which are, by the way, stunning. It was there, however, that I started to realise I was pretty cold and hungry. People seemed overwhelming and I noticed numerous ones posing for photos in front of pagodas, or statues, or bridges and thought scathing thoughts about them -- these recordings of a place with them in it, not the place as they saw it. 'This is me here' compared to 'this is what I saw here'.
I had come to San Francisco thinking I would really love it, but right now I must say that I'm not sure I do, and I feel disappointed; whether in the city or in myself is a whole other question. The fact is, I wish other people were here to explore this place with, it would be so much more fun! I miss my friends, I miss all the good times we had, I miss knowing I can go down the road or take a bus or just walk around and see people I know and enjoy spending time with. I miss the comfort of knowing a city, I miss my own bed, I miss being able to turn the heating up when I want or wear whichever clothes of mine I want or sleep in a room by myself or have a bathroom where I can stay under the shower for ages. I don't really feel like talking to random people right now, but it might be the only way out of feeling this bleurghhh. I'm tired, it's that time of the month and I don't feel like making an effort to do anything other than drink lots of tea and nap off this post-hash haze.
I know that later on or tomorrow or in a few days I won't feel this way but today, my friends, my family, Morpheus, good old Montreal - I miss you. And am almost back to earth...
No comments:
Post a Comment