Narita, on the way to Hawaii

Grinning madly, unable to stop this slow yet wild smile spreading across my face, I arrive at Narita Airport, ready to catapult myself into Western society - Hawaii here I come! I woke up this morning and my lips were already forming this smile. And here I sit, trying not to laugh, having skipped through parts of the airport in joy at the prospect of seeing you and sure that people around me fear for my sanity. But not caring. I've waited for this day for months. At times I thought it would never come. But those are words and sentiments you know, and will soon be no more :) Sitting here with hours of sitting ahead of me, my mind is dancing.

So... Japan. I think that really I may have been too harsh a judge on this ancient, intriguing country. It seemed so sterile and robotic after S.E. Asia, so utterly alien and strangely devoid of life. This feeling was probably accentuated by the Japanese mentality - that very contained yet oddly non-egocentric way of doing things. Go on the subway as a gaijin (foreigner) and experience other passengers moving away from you (when possible) even sometimes opting to stand rather than sit in the seat next to you. Experience the sometimes infuriating prompt disappearance of signs in English (Kyoto was best for this) and the wonderful Engrish: great misuse of the English language, best seen on t-shirts, random signs and restaurant menus.

See, I think I did love Japan with all its oddities yet was also rather nonplussed by it. After the overabundance of vitality in S.E. Asia, I think most countries would be somewhat of a...not let-down but certainly rather lacking in vibrancy. It does make me wonder what Montreal will seem like... Further along these lines, I've been slightly disturbed by the thought that Montreal may not feel like home anymore when I get back. The city and its inhabitant will not have changed much, but I have. Perhaps really it is my priorities and I really, truly no longer want to do jobs I do not enjoy, or that drain me of the will to be creative. I do concede that that could have been due to my outlook on life in general after years of feeling like I could not get where I wanted, years of feeling like trapped. It is interesting, yet not surprising to fully comprehend that a lot of that was probably in my own mind. Many of us are trapped by ourselves more than we realise. So, the key thing here for me is to keep from not falling back into those negative, destructive mindsets.

While I'm typing, one of the most annoying, persistent children I've yet encountered (on this trip) has been continuously asking what time it is, shouting at his Mum to do things for him, demanding his sister turn the volume up on the mp3 player whose earphone they're sharing. He must be bored out of his skull!
Whereas...I am excited. So happy at the thought of seeing you, of being on these gorgeous islands, of being surrounded by nature again instead of the seemingly never-ending concrete jungle of central Japan. I would be happy not to eat rice for another few months. I would be happy to be able to strike up a conversation with locals. I would be happy, am happy to know that my return to Montreal is imminent, or at least far closer.
Bizarrely, I am happy to think of the challenges that lie ahead: getting a job, making a career for myself, deciding what to do with my life (would think I'd at least have some idea by now). I'm happy at the thought of seeing my dear friends - it's been so long. Of stroking Morpheus and seeing his purry face in the morning. But the thing that's fuelling this smile the most, the one that even as I write keeps coming and going, fading out and whamming back in again, that I cannot help but feel is helping to radiate this happiness from me, is the knowledge that, very soon (in under 12 hours!) I will be seeing you. Will be able to hear your voice, see you, feel you there. Laughing, talking, smiling. Just being. This makes me jump and skip and grin like a rather addled monkey.